Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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