i just wanna soil my oats bro
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
