Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
