I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
