"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
