this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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