he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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