I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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