whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
