My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
