I wish I only lived at night.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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