I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
