I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
