you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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