I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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