if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
