I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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