I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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