we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
