dude i'm inner monologue high
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
