DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
