oh god the rape fog is back!
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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