I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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