Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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