I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
