doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
