so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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