i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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