Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
