you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
