Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
