Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize