If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
