once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
