4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We need to feng shui this bitch.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
