i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
