i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
