Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
