is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
