You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
