I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize