I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
