fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
