At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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