last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
