you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
