He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize