found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
