just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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