that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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