I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
