So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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