Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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