how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You are a genius and a whore.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
