she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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