thus making me awesome and them whores
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
love makes seman taste better
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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