The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
