last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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