Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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