I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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