He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
