why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
