I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
