And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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