My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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