He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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