Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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