Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize