I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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