i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
